Thursday, March 7, 2013

Warning: IMPOSTOR Alert!

If you have read even one of my blog posts, you know that I am a nut case. So go with me on my nutso journey again this evening.  If you just happened upon my blog and this is your first post to read, well, thanks for stopping by. Beware, I am rather strange. :)
So...I haven't posted recently about my weight journey. Mainly, because I'm eating donuts for breakfast regularly and feel like an impostor. I made it to my original moderate goal weight and petered out.  I keep thinking that as soon as summer gets here I will get back into gear and start focusing on my love handles.  But... I really like donuts.
Now to my update on my self-image. To update you, I'm going to tell you about shopping for a new pair of jeans tonight.
So.. I go into a store and look around, try on a few, and am not impressed as I am not a teenager and really, really don't need skinny jeans that have a 1 inch zipper to wear to school to teach teenagers! So I leave and head to my default store these days. It happens to be Maurices, not because the clothes are that awesome, but the workers are! I love walking into a store and having a sales clerk ask what I need and then HELP me!! But I digress.
The sales clerk asked me my size. EEK!! This is where IMPOSTOR screams in my head. I say 6 or 8 in a question-y voice. I'm waiting for her to yell LIAR to me. I'm expecting her to go get a size 10 off the shelf. She brings me an 8 and they are too big. WHAT? Really? So I try on a size 5/6 and they fit and I'm buying those jeans. THOSE EXACT JEANS, cause any others might not fit.
And that's what is bothering me. I can't seem to get the overweight girl out of my head. She yells at me for trying on a 7/8. She calls me a liar when I buy and wear a 5/6. She laughs at me when I consider myself a runner. She won't even let me think of myself as a distance runner, even though I completed a 1/2 marathon just a couple of weeks ago. She tells me to not get used to this as it's "only a matter of time." That's why every time I try something on I'm shocked that I can still wear that size. Truly, it's hard to always fight yourself for a decent self-image.
So in order to quiet the overweight girl once and for all, I am setting goals and keeping them. 
1. I am going to buy a swimsuit that is cute this year. Then, I'm going to WEAR it!
2. I'm going to celebrate on May 28th my new me as that will be my one year anniversary of taking control of my health.
3. I'm going to start saying my size to sales clerks with confidence.
4. I am going to run a marathon this year. I'm training for the Fort Worth Marathon in November. This gives me plenty of time to train, but also keeps me motivated. Also as part of this, I plan on running a number of 5k, 10k, and a maybe a couple of 1/2 marathons as they come my way.
And there you have it. I'm going to conquer my poor self image!

No comments:

Post a Comment