Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Being a whole person

There are days when I feel frustrated with myself, my eating habits and my overall self. But those days are becoming fewer and fewer. When I get down and start focusing on the love handles that don't budge or the size of my hips, I remind myself of where I have come and that I am STRONG, I am HAPPY and that I am a good role model for my children!

And being strong and happy are the absolute best things I can be for my children. Sure I'd love to have smaller hips, but my girls are not going to learn to be strong and happy if I focus on the size of my hips. These days when I catch myself voicing negative thoughts about my body, I try to quickly shut down those thoughts. My girls don't need to start worrying about the size of their hips! And that's what they will do if that's what I model.

So how am I squashing the negative body thoughts? Running of course, but also riding the bike, swimming and lifting weights. I feel like I am becoming a complete athlete! And I have to say feeling like a "real" athlete is the best way to rid yourself of a negative body image.  Through this process I feel like I am finally being a whole person.  Not that I wasn't trying to be a whole person before, but I was too scared. I was too scared to try to be healthy. I had tried and failed. And tried and failed.  That trying and failing repeatedly with my weight transferred to being to scared to try to do new things in every other area of my life. What if the failing with my weight translated to failing with my job? And on and on. Sure I could talk a good game, but deep down, I was scared. 

But I'm not scared anymore. Conquering my weight opened the door for me to try new things. I found that I love competing in triathlons. I found that I can run a marathon. I found that I love painting, and am good at it! I found that I can be me without having to feel like I have to apologize for it or try to hide my shortcomings. I found that I can be me.

And that's what I am trying to teach my girls... I want my girls to know that they are strong and whole people, just as they are. I want my girls to try new things and to not be afraid to fail. I want them to know that they don't have to hide their weaknesses or measure their success in life against the size of their hips. I want my girls to understand that they are complete people. I pray that my girls will KNOW that they are WHOLE people.

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