Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Choosing to FIGHT a Negative Self-Image!

As you all know I have been on a diet. A full-blown, hard-core watch what you eat and exercise diet. Thanks to Weight Watchers and my determination, I have lost more than 25 pounds since May 29th!!
Now that I'm closing in on my target weight, I thought I'd take a look and see what the world wide web had for me as an ideal weight range.
I shouldn't have.  Instead of making me feel good, I ended up being hurt, mad, disappointed and incredibly frustrated. Why? Because there isn't a consistent range and many of them are CRAZY!!
To make my point, I'm going to use my journey as an example. This is important. That's why I'm willing to divulge the details!
In 1998, I weighed in at 130 pounds. Newly engaged and happy and a fit 24 years old. Isn't my picture with Doug so cute!! Oh how young we were!!  Just for reference: I wore a size six pants.
I stayed within 5 pounds of this weight until getting pregnant with Maddie. At that point I was sooo sick the first trimester that I lost weight and then ended up gaining 40+ by the time I delivered all 8 pounds of her!
After Maddie was born, I went back to work. She was sickly. Life was just a little stressful. I lost some of the baby weight, but it was slow. Finally, about the time she turned 2 I had made it down to about 150 pounds and a size 10.  I felt pretty good and was swimming a few MILES three days a week!!
Then we moved, I had a series of early miscarriages, Doug had a new career and life was once again pretty stressful. By the time Maddie was four I weighed in at 166 and was hating the way I looked. Dieting brought me back to 150 and a size 10/12.
Then I got pregnant, we moved and life got stressful again. I only gained around 20 pounds with Lexi, but afterwards I could still just get back to that 150 mark. I did that with running. Then I broke my foot.
Fast forward another few years and I had Kylie. I only gained 18 pounds with her! By then I knew that making it down to "pre-baby" weight was impossible, so I had to be careful!  And I was right, this time, now at age 35, my weight loss hit the wall at 160. Ouch. But I didn't have time to exercises. Life was just too busy!
So here we are in 2012 and I'm flirting with the 170's. I am miserable and my self-worth is at an all time low. I hate to look at myself in the mirror and I don't want my kids to grow up with an overweight mom. To make matters worse, I have three sisters who are SKINNY.
Finally, as the last day of school wrapped up, I made a decision. It was MY TURN. It was my turn to be on the list of priorities. It was my turn to be proud of myself. So I did it. On May 29th I started a new chapter.
I am now  really happy with who I am and where I am in life. Currently I weight 146. I am sooo close to that 30 pound mark. My goal is 140. Then I'm buying that Coach purse! I run on average 10-15 miles a week and do bootcamp 3 or 4 mornings a week. I am THRILLED with my progress. Here is a picture of me from this weekend! I'm wearing a size 8 skirt and my medium shirt is getting a little big! 
See, I have no need to be frustrated or sad. I'm doing great.
But now, let's go back to the WWW and see why I am in a tizzy.
Exhibit #1.
Did you read that? I know it's blurry. sorry.
It says:
"You are overweight by 14lbs."
That's just what I needed to see.
So I decided to look at a different site.
THIS is NUTS. 112-116 pounds.???
I'll try another.

108? That has to be a typo. CRAZY.

Forget ideal weight, let's look for HEALTHY!!

This site says I should be between 111-140. Well, that's better. I says that my healthy BMI is right on the overweight side. Thanks.
And people wonder why women have such negative self-images? How can we not when this is what we are BOMBARDED with.
At 146, I feel better than I have in years. Yes, I want to lose 6 more pounds, but really, when I was a skinny theatre major in college wearing a size 4/6 I still weighed in at 125.  There is no good reason to put pressure on myself to weigh in at my "ideal". Whose "ideal" is this? The fashion industry?
In the end, I went back to my trusty Weight Watchers site and got a shot in the arm when I looked at my progress report. I can't say enough good things about Weight Watchers and they way they do things, the HEALTHY way they push you to eat and the HEALTHY weight ranges that they give you.  Below is a picture of my current progress report!

And let me end this rant with my new motto.
You might get skinny sitting on a couch, but you CAN'T get STRONG!!
Obviously, I need to work on my striking a pose. I need to learn how to do the muscle arm and fist right. No worries. I'll practice!


  1. I'm not losing as fast since I've started jogging, so I'm hoping that means I'm building muscle? I'm certainly not eating any more or worse than I was before :P

  2. You go girl. You look great.

  3. SO proud of you, Emily! Stay the course and be healthy!