Taking time to rest and reflect

I haven't run in a week.

Nope, I'm not injured.

I'm resting.

Do you know how HARD that is for me? 

I DON'T REST!

It's so hard that Doug took my running shoes.

It really is for the best.

He said tonight that he'll give them back to me Christmas Day.

I'll be ready and rested to run!!

Anyway... 

The timing of my rest comes at the same time as Linny from over at A Place Called Simplicity asked her blog readers to stop and rest and consider what God has done for them this year.

Taking a rest from running this last week has given me to time to consider and rest in thankfulness.

As it is every year, this year was busy and full of important moments and memories in our life. It's incredible to think about really, I ran a marathon this year.. (and a dozen other races)! Doug ran a 1/2 marathon this year! And Maddie ran a 5k!

As you can imagine, I am way more pumped about Maddie's 5k than I am of my marathon.  Sure, I ran a marathon, a full 26.2 miles. But my body is made for that. I've always had endurance. It's one of the reasons why resting is hard. I'm not the first to the finish of any race (or project or deadline) but I can out work anyone.

But Maddie. WOW! It makes tears come to my eyes! Here she is in the picture below with her cousin Abby. Abby invited Maddie to come race the Turkey Trot with her.

Maddie had never run three miles and didn't know if she could. Over the summer, it seemed like anytime she got over a mile her body would give out and she would have a relapse. But we just kept telling her to run/walk/run and keep going. That she could do it.

When I think to her struggles over the last 13 years, her physical therapy, doctor's visits, pain management clinic, tests, daily meds and all the rest... my heart aches for her.

Then she has a big win like this and it's hard not to stop everyone and tell them that my girl, my chronically ill, auto-immune kidney disease girl that almost died a couple of times this summer from asthma attacks during the night and couldn't call out for help girl.. completed a 5k! A full 3.1 miles!

Yeah, that's worth stopping and celebrating.

So this week I'm resting in the knowledge that my God is a gracious God. That even in the midst of struggles and trials, that He can change everything. That God gives us the ability to do things we never thought we would be able to do. That God gives us wings to fly!

And guess what Maddie wants for Christmas?

A Treadmill.

Oh how I love my girl.

and Lexi and Kylie! I celebrate them too!! :) And let me finish this post with one of my favorite pictures from this summer! Resting with these kids is relative, but I sure can celebrate them!

Insecurities vs A God-Given Dream

It's funny how life works. Lately I've been battling insecurities. Lots of them. And today at church, we heard an awesome message on how God uses our insecurities for His purpose.  I really, really needed the pick me up.

Here are a few of the thing that really stuck with me.  I didn't take notes during the sermon, so these are my thoughts based on what the pastor was saying.

If God gives me a dream, then give Him a chance to fulfill it.

If God gives me a dream, then allow Him to work out the details.

If God gives me a dream, I need to step aside so that it can happen.

If God asks me to do something, then He will make a way.

If God asks me to do something, then He will give me the skills.

If God asks me to do something, then I need to allow Him to move.

If God challenges me, I need to stop making excuses.

If God challenges me, Its because I'm ready.

If God challenges me, I need to say yes.

So hold on everybody.

God has given me a dream. He's asked me to do something and He has challenged me to stop making excuses.

So I've stopped. And I'm starting to work on that dream.

The difference between easy and worthy and a shackle that is 28 years old.

My mom, Jeannette, is the Women's Minister at a church called Cottonwood. She also leads their Celebrate Recovery ministry.  Last Sunday she spoke about choosing a life a freedom to BE and to DO, not to just exist. If you would like to listen to her sermon, click HERE.

But in case you don't think you have time... I'll sum up a couple of the points that I liked the most.

One of the points that really has stuck with me over the last week is this quote... 

"We are not called to that which is easy. 

We are called to that which is Worthy!"

Maybe you don't live in a world where you are constantly asked, "which one is easier.." but as a teacher I am asked this almost DAILY! And while the choice between two art options are not life choices, it is a reflection on the priorities of students. And this transfers to adults too. Believe me. We all want easy answers. But sometimes, we have to step back and ask ourselves if we have shortchanged our very lives because we are looking for the easy and not the worthy! 

The other point that I've been pondering this week is that at times we may feel like we are living in freedom, but that we are actually living in shackles. Yes, we have freedom to move, but the shuffling that is required when you wear shackles gives you the illusion of freedom; but you are actually chained.

Oh MAN!

As a runner, I truly can't imagine what I would do if I didn't have the freedom to pick up my feet and run.

I think we all have areas in our lives that cause us to live as shackled people. Shackling takes many forms, for some it's addiction, others it's self-image. Anything that keeps us from taking a full step forward is in reality a shackle.

For me, my weight has often been an area of my life that has kept me shackled. My weight has left me at times feeling unworthy, ugly, unimportant and every other negative thing. Then there are other times when I have lost the weight, when I feel better and look better, yet, I still am shackled! I have to keep it off. I have to FIGHT the weight every day! When others would think that it's all great, that I have hit the "right number" on the scale. But in my reality, the weight shackle is still there.

I deal with this daily. To be honest, I have dealt with this daily for the last 28 years. Yes, 28. Since I was eleven years old.

That's quite a shackle.

Running has helped me refocus and redefine who I am. I am learning that I am not defined by a number on the scale. But it is not easy. Everyday I step on that scale thinking that it is going to be five pounds heavier. Everyday I pull out a pair of pants to wear and wonder if they will fit. Just this morning, I pulled out a pair of pants that I haven't worn in a few months and was surprised they fit. I shouldn't have been surprised. I know what size I am. But I was. I expected the pants to be too tight. 

I have to say, it is really, really hard to break a shackle that you have come to call as part of you. It's an extension of who I am. I'm not proud of that, but it is my reality.

I am learning to break this shackle. I am learning that I am more. 

If you wondered why running a marathon was important to me, now you know. To run a marathon, you have to be strong. Skinny doesn't equal strong.

Wow... didn't mean to go into self-reflection there on you.

Maybe you should all go back to the top of this post and listen to my mom's message. Cause I'm going to stop there. I got side tracked and don't remember the other points of hers that I was going to tell you about.

Tomorrow morning, as I take a well deserved rest day after a hard weekend 18 mile run. I am going to remind myself that I am more. I am going to remind myself that I want to break the shackle so that I can run free. And let me tell you... this is NOT easy, but I am Worthy.

What kind of light am I? Spotlight or a Candle?

I want to be a light in this world. 

But I have no desire to be a spotlight.

I've spent a good amount of time on stage, and I know what it feels like to be hit in the face by 1000 watts.

A stage light, or a spot light produces

a LOT of heat

is blinding

and is really only good for one area.

But a candle,

breaks the darkness gently

provides a light strong enough to see through the dark

 without blinding the person.

That's the kind of light I want to be.

Ironic isn't it.. You thought I'd say that I want to be a spotlight. didn't you?

Matthew 5:15-18

The Message (MSG)

"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world.
 God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.
 If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you?
I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand- shine!
Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

48 pounds of blessings

I'm not a theologian. I'm not a big talker of religion really, but sometimes I think something is cool, so I put it here on my blog to share. Enjoy it for what it's worth.

To begin, I don't get worked up over the idea of testing vs blessings. I look at life as pretty much a blessing and that we have an opportunity for far more blessings if only we would stop and accept the blessing for what it is.

I had one such experience this weekend.

It's about the blessing of pecans.

You see, we have a number of pecan trees in our yard. Some years we have lots of pecans and some years not many. Most of the time someone else comes along and asks if he/she can pick up the pecans. We say yes as picking up the pecans is tedious work. This year we offered the pecans to 3 or 4 different people. I don't know if they picked any up, but I got tired of stepping on them so finally the day after Thanksgiving we got out and picked up a few.

Then a few days later I picked up a few more. I mentioned it to a friend and she was very interested in some pecans...soooooo I got to thinking about a couple of other people that might like some pecans, so yesterday, I picked up the pecans.

And as I picked the pecans up and thought about these individuals and the blessing the pecans would be to them, it was as if the floodgates of heaven opened and God said, as many as you pick up, that's how many more you can have to give others.  And as I looked and picked up the pecans, they were just everywhere!

Here is what I ended up with. And I didn't even make it to the side or back yard yet!

I filled a box and a bag and took them to the local nursery to be cracked.

This afternoon I went back and picked them up. 48 pounds of cracked pecans!!! WOW!!

Look at that!

And so, I dug out some of the strong grocery bags to fill with pecans.  And I filled and filled. I have 3 bags ready to give and my big bag of pecans ready to fill more of the smaller bags. 

I noticed a truck load of pecans on the ground this afternoon. I didn't have time to pick them up today, but I've got a mission now. Let's see how many families can be blessed with cracked pecans for from my yard for Christmas!!

How cool is that! And how easy to miss such a blessing.  It truly makes me wonder how many times I walk past the blessing that God wants to give because it might take a little work on my part. Or it might not be what I want to do at that moment. I am thankful for the blessing of the pecans and thankful that I get to piece of the blessing of others.

The footsteps of God

I don't consider myself to be one of those people that go through life looking for God in the little things. I don't ask for special treatment for parking places, grace for a green light or things like that. 

But sometimes things in life are just to "weird" to brush off.  One of those things has repeatedly happened while I am out running.

You see, my running course has me run on the side of a relatively busy road/highway for a short distance (maybe 1/4 mile) during the weekdays and about 3/4 of a mile on weekends.  If I get to the intersection prior to 7am, it's not too bad.  There is a good section of pavement on the side of road so that even the huge monster trucks with their side mirrors don't get too close.

The first day I ran this section, I was sure I heard a set of footsteps behind me.  In fact, I kept looking back to see when the person was going to pass me as it was really like he/she was on my heels. But there wasn't anyone.

I brushed it off, maybe something about this section of the road had an echo.  The second day, the same thing. The third time, a long run, the same thing. And it was like the steps were next to me as I came up the slight turning hill.

I can't describe it really.  It is incredible. I truly feel like when I am on this section that God is running next to me. The footsteps pound in rhythm to mine, but are not mine. There is no one else on the road running.

This has happened everytime I run on this road.

But yesterday as I was running towards this intersection there was a wall that I could not run through.  Invisible, yes. But really, it was like God put out his hand and placed it on my chest and said go ahead, keep running, but you will not go onto this road today!

So, I turned left and ran on the high school track instead.

I don't know what God was protecting me from. But I am thankful.

165. A walking stick and a really cool retreat center.

(Updated with a couple of pictures from my friend Mindy. Thanks!!)

I went to my scrapbook retreat last weekend.

I made 165 pages plus a gift album and put together an album that records my pregnancy with Kylie.

I was productive.


My friends took pictures. I can't wait to show you them!


On a different note, because the place was in the absolute middle of nowhere, the owners suggested that if we were going on a walk we should walk LOUDLY and carry a STICK!

EEK.

So, on Friday morning, when I went out for my run, I had already decided to stick to the absolutely MIDDLE of the road. But, I was looking for a stick anyway.  And I couldn't find one. And I was getting antsy.  Snakes and dogs are a regular part of country life around here.

So, finally, I ask God to show me a stick that it big enough to scare off animals, light enough to run with and close enough to the road that I would be willing to pick it up.  And within a minute, there was the stick.  I almost didn't get it.  I almost decided that that stick wasn't sturdy enough, and that it couldn't be the one that God would show me.  But, I decided that since this stick was close to the road and it almost had a spotlight on it, I should probably pick it up.

I am so glad I did.  I didn't see another stick until I was on my way back to the house. After I had encountered a barking aggressive neighbor dog!! My stick was perfect.  It as light enough to swish around quickly and had the dog stopping in its tracks!

It really made me think and wonder about how often we ask God to show us something or to help us with something and how we discount possible answers.  I mean, really, my stick was funny it was so pathetic. It was not at all the stick I imagined!  But, it was the stick I needed.

And finally, if you live in central Texas and are looking for a retreat center, the place I went this past weekend is the coolest!! Kay, one of the owners, made us feel so special and wanted!  The hospitality was incredible!  The retreat center where we stayed has 8 bedrooms and 8 1/2 bathrooms!! Check out their website, www.brazoshouseretreat.com and see what they have to offer.  I'm thinking about seeing if I can put the wedding package on layway for my girls!! If you check it out and book something, tell Kay I sent you.  Nope, I don't get anything for it, I just want her to know that I appreciated her work!

http://www.brazoshouseretreat.com/

And that's it for now. I've spent the last two days working on my smart board lessons plans... yep, we teacher's even work during the summer :)

Insecurity vs I am Enough

Insecurity. We all deal with it in some form. Whether it is at work or at home, whether we wallow in it or hide it, insecurity is a place we have all been.

Currently I am working through a bible study called Living Your Life as a Beautiful Offering by Angela Thomas. I am really enjoying the study as her lessons are short and to the point. Yes, I wish I had an hour to devote to morning bible study, but I don't. So, this study gives me something to think on in a couple of minutes and I can supplement on those rare mornings that I don't have a child join me almost the moment I get out of bed. (Side note: maybe it's just my house, but opening the bible is the best alarm clock I have. It doesn't seem to matter how quietly I turn the pages, something about that open bible and me getting some alone time with God just makes my children wake up.)

Back to the bible study. We are working through the sermon on the mount.

Today's lesson was on being enough. That in our meekness we realize that we "will never be enough and recognize that we will always need a Savior to complete us." I don't know about you, but this really resonates with me.  I truly struggle with being "enough" at home and at work.  I know that I hide my insecurity pretty well, but I am always working to be "enough". I take lots of extra classes on teaching, am always trying new things, researching and going that extra, extra mile to be enough! 

Why, do I feel this way? There isn't a clear cut answer and I think that's the nature of insecurity. If it was an easy fix, we would fix it and then not be insecure!  I can tell you at work, the answer for much of my insecurity is that I don't have a traditional art teacher background.  Because of that, I am always second guessing myself and allowing things others say in passing, or things they don't say, or things I think they say.... to become worry spots for me. I am always aware that I'm not enough.

Recently, I was having one of those weeks and telling Doug about how I felt and he gave me the best encouragement.  (Thank goodness for awesome husbands!) He made an analogy to a baseball manager. Yes, this fits for me as I love baseball.  He said that some baseball managers (with world series rings as managers) were truly great baseball players in their own right, so good that they are in the hall of fame for their own careers. But some baseball managers played in the minors for years and years and they were never "good enough" to make to the majors, but they know the game and the positions and can see the big picture so well that they make great managers and win world series.

This just made since to me. I've felt that since I wasn't a professional artist with tons of training, that Iwasn't  good enough and shortchanging my students.  But after Doug said that, I was able to see that because of my meekness about traditional art and since I wasn't so concerned with doing things the "right way," I was able to encourage students to see a bigger picture, to try more things and in short to become better artists.

So, am I cured of my insecurity? No. But I can say that when I take a minute to stop and reflect, that I know that God has me where I am supposed to be. Contrary to what some might think, it's not an easy job. Teaching economics and coaching debate was easy. In fact, of all the 13+ things I have taught, teaching art is the hardest thing that I have done. But in the midst of the daily struggles, Iam reminded that "my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever." (Psalm 73: 26)

And when I get down I remind myself that because of Christ I AM ENOUGH!

A Strange Night and Post-Infectious Bronchitis

Have you ever had a completely sleepless night, total insomnia or some reason your brain wouldn't stop and you never went to sleep even though you were in bed from 9pm to 5am?

Well, I did Wednesday night.  It was nuts.

It's been a hard week and teachers everywhere are facing the daunting reality that teaching as we know it is changing because of careless politicians.  Many, many teachers are losing jobs and districts are facing tough choices.  It is really sad.  Because the reality for us it that when we strip down our schools to the bare bones we are short-changing our kids. I am truly worried that unless something dramatic changes and funding returns to education in the state budget, that we will lose a generation of tomorrow's leaders.

So needless to say, there is a little stress.

But not going to sleep? That's crazy.  While I do mull each day in my mind at night and plan the next day, I still go to sleep at a decent hour.

But not Wednesday night.

So as I lay in the bed I sang praise and worship songs in my head.  I've always been one that can actually hear the music in my head ( I already know I'm on the crazy side of crazy..) so at least I was entertained. :)

Then about 1:30 am my heart started burning like it was on fire and God told me to immediately pray for my sister, her husband and their daughter. It was like when Samuel heard God in 1Samuel 3.  No, I did not hear an audible voice, but God directly spoke into my heart and told me exactly what to say. I did a virtual prayer walk around her house. It was incredible.  I wanted to call my sister, but I didn't want to scare her at 2am!  So I texted her and told her what was going on.  I asked God that please, please, if something was wrong for Him to use the ping of my text to wake her up.  She didn't text back, so I went back to bed.

I thought hey, awesome.  I felt so privileged that God would use me this way and thanked Him for not allowing me to sleep.  (thinking that I would be going to sleep now!!)

But nope.  My chest heart.  My heart felt to big for my ribcage and my pulse was high. 

Finally at 5am I got up and got ready for the day.

Thankfully I had an awesome workshop presenter (Jill) lined up for my classes from Texas Pottery and all was ready.  An interesting side note here.  When we scheduled her workshop, it was originally scheduled for another day.  Isn't it incredible how things work out?

When I heard from my sister later in the day, she said that she hadn't slept well, but that all was okay.

I made it through the day amazingly well.  I still felt icky, but God had gave me amazing energy. We have an after hours clinic that is open late, so I went in and found out that my bronchitis from a couple of weeks ago hasn't cleared up yet.  The infection is gone, but the inflammation is still there.  So all my crazy symptoms that I have been having make sense now.  I'd never heard of Post-Infectious Bronchitis.  Hopefully with meds and a little rest, I'll be well soon!

Finishing off my crazy day, I finally went to sleep a little after 10pm and never moved until 5:30am this morning.

And there you have it.  Sorry for such a long tale, but it is really quite abbreviated.  You know, there are a lot of hours in the night when you are not sleeping!

And just a side note about praying or singing  "Fill me Holy Spirit. Speak to me.  Use me."  These are not idle words or a time filler.  They are a wonderful invitation to the Father to join Him on an adventure. I pray that you will join Him on an adventure soon!

Tangled. And no, it's not about Disney's new movie!

I read a blog called A Place Called Simplicity and yesterday, the author wrote about the nets that we are not willing to lay down in life. 

This was really interesting to me and as I processed and read the comments that others had posted, I was struck with how we can get so tangled in life that we loose focus on what God wants us to do.

I'm not going to rewrite Linny's post here, I think you should go read it...

But as I evaluate life, I realize that my feet seem to be tangled in nets. 

The net of "am I good enough to...." has tangled in my feet and left me paralazyed to take that first step many, many times.  Yet, if I am truly going to follow Jesus, then I have to say, if I'm called, He must have prepared me.

However, on the flip side, some of the tangling of my feet is from wading through all the "good things" I'm trying to get done.  Community and church boards, service projects and extra's that I HAVE to do at school. 

I wonder what would happen if I was willing to let it go.. would I wake up and feel called to move to Africa?  That's kinda scary.

So I don't know.  I do know that I'm ready to re-evaluate some things in life.   I've started with one big net.  The net of having to keep everything.  It's funny, while the other "nets" tangle our hearts, the net of stuff actually does cause us to walk funny as we have to tiptoe our way around our junk.  I think letting go of my sentimental net will be rather freeing.

What about you?  Do you have any nets tangling in your feet?

My Sermonette on Faith

Today was UMW Sunday at church.  That's United Methodist Women. Lots of the women of the church were asked to participate in some way.  I was asked to speak on faith.  The theme for UMW this year is Faith, Love and Hope in Action, so I was the first of three speakers.

As anyone who knows me can attest, a 3-5 minute speech is hard for me to do.  It's not the speaking that's hard, it's limiting myself to just 5 minutes.  So I wrote out everything I said and practiced.  I was 5 minutes on the nose!

I would love to post a picture or a video or something from this morning, but I don't have anything.  Sorry.  So instead, I'll post my sermonette.  Read it below if you like.

Faith. It’s a simple word, but incredibly complex. When I looked up the word in the dictionary, there were 8 primary definitions plus a whole slew of descriptions and definitions on the web. Yet when I look at the definitions and discussions about faith as a whole, I see a prevailing theme. This theme is that faith is an inner attitude driven by our decision to believe in something. This inner attitude becomes the foundation for everything we do and everything we are.

Let me say this again, our attitude, yes, the very expression of our life is a personal definition of faith. For what we believe and who we are is the mirror of our faith to the world.

Hebrews 11 :1 says

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

But it is more than that! Hebrews 11 gives a list of a few people and their actions and how they were used by God because of what they believed. For example:

Abel offered a better sacrifice.
Noah listened to God and prepared an ark.
Abraham set out on a journey not knowing where he would end up.
and Sarah at 90 years of old was promised a child.

These are just a few of the examples given. I urge you to take the time to read Hebrews 11 and be reminded of the miraculous work of God in the lives of people who choose to live by faith. People who heard God and responded with an attitude of faith. People like Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses and Rahab. These people were not perfect, not even close, but they allowed the attitude of faith to become the foundation for action in their lives.

What I find so amazing in this reminder of the faithful followers is that they acted in obedience because of their faith in God. They wholeheartedly, completely believed that when God asked them to do something they should do it. The benefit of doing what God asked was not necessarily a tangible reward, but knowing that the presence of God in their lives and the hope of eternity was a far greater gift.

Look at Moses as written in Hebrews 11: 24-27.

²⁴By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter. ²⁵He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. ²⁶He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. ²⁷By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible.

So Moses, a recognized son of the pharaoh’s daughter had the opportunity to live a rather easy and pleasurable life, but because he identified with those that believed in God, he was called to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses’ actions were those of a man who fully and wholeheartedly believed in something greater.

While some of faithful mentioned in Hebrews saw the benefit of doing what God asked them to do, many did not see a reward. Verse 39 states “and all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, because God had provided something better…”

Something better. How many times have we chosen to forgo the something better that God has for us because we wanted the immediate and easy answer. It’s hard to fathom that we would be called to act and to serve, to live a life a faith and to not seek an immediate reward. But that is what we are called to do. If we have “the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen, we have a foundation that is strong enough for us to take the next step and start the next journey.

The book, Crazy Love, Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan, challenges our mindset of doing just enough to please God. In fact, he says “True faith means holding nothing back, it bets everything on the hope of eternity.” This true faith is the foundation that allows us to do crazy things that God has called us to do. It’s the faith that Moses had as he walked on dry land across the red sea. It is the faith that asks us to serve others in ways we could have never imagined, it is the faith that calls us to speak kindness and mercy, it is the faith that calls us to live frugally so that we might give more, it is the faith that calls us to action.

So that is our challenge, that we would have an attitude of faith because we believe in God. And finally, from the Message version of Philemon 1:5 “I keep praying that this faith we hold in common keeps showing up in the good things we do, and that people recognize Christ in all of it.”

Amen

Memorial Box Monday: From Sorrow to Joy

I have been wrestling about posting this story for quite some time.  I’ve started it and deleted it, I’ve thought about what to include and what to leave out.  So many reasons for not writing, but in the end, I am writing this Memorial Box Monday story because someone needs to read it.

One of last week’s MBM stories was written for me.  I am sure of that. The timing, the subject, the context... the whole thing.  So I am going to trust that God has a reason for making sure that at 1:30am I finally got his instruction after months of my saying not yet.

My Memorial Box Monday story is about God’s incredible gift of joy that comes after sorrow.  It is also about God’s grace and mercy.  It is also about trusting God’s plan when you can’t see it for yourself.

To begin, let me take you back to the spring of 1999.  Doug and I had been married for about six months and knew that God had called him back into a full-time pastorate.  Doug had spent the last year teaching at the same high school where I was teaching,  (He had to do that so he could meet me and marry me!)  but teaching was not Doug’s passion. So we started looking at churches.

The first Sunday of May 1999 found us at a little church in the middle of North Carolina.  Doug preached and we decided that it was a good fit. We sold our home in Texas and moved the first weekend of June.

Fast forward to May 4, 2000. Maddie was born.  All was good, but we were a young family all on our own and needed to be closer to family.  We began to consider moving back to Texas.   Over the next couple of months we found out that Doug was a good commodity.  We had lots of churches interested in us. However, there was one that stood out.

That church was in Weimar, Texas.  When Doug told me the story of the church, I groaned and said, that’s where we are going. And we did go there.  And it was wonderful and difficult all at that same time.

For you see, on the first weekend of May of 1999, the pastor of the church in Weimar, Skip and his wife Karen, were found murdered in the parsonage next door to the church.  They were victims of serial killer Rafael Resendez-Ramirez, the Railroad Killer. This tiny town was devastated.  While Doug was preaching for the first time in North Carolina, our future friends were finding their beloved pastor murdered.

We didn’t know about it at the time.

One the first anniversary of Skip and Karen’s death, Maddie was born.

As Doug began talking with the church it was clear to us that this just might be our next pastorate.  It was hard to imagine moving and beginning a ministry with a group of people so grief stricken, but we chose to.  God chose us.

We began our ministry in Weimar the first Sunday of 2001. It was a difficult time, but very hopeful as well.  Maddie was just beginning to walk and having her with us built a bridge between the sorrow and the joy. 

Yes, we lived in the parsonage.

Maddie turned one on the second anniversary of Skip and Karen’s death.  We invited the church to celebrate her 1st birthday with us.  Doug grilled hotdogs and we had about 50 people come over to our backyard party.  As I look back at pictures, I am once again amazed that the very men who found the bodies of Skip and Karen just two years before where there celebrating Maddie’s birthday.  Joy from Sorrow.  Sorrow to Joy.

In the end, we stayed in Weimar just under two years.  Maddie made a life-long connection with an older couple in the church and we were able to walk a difficult stretch of the road with a wonderful group of people.  I wish we could have stayed in  longer, but we left because Doug’s dad was in bad health and I would not trade Maddie’s short time with her Grandpa for anything. 

As we saw lived out by the people of Weimar, to everything there is a season.  And from Sorrow there can be Joy.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
¹ There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate, 
       a time for war and a time for peace.

Still Dreaming

I have lots of plans for my life.

Lots of dreams.

I've always wanted to try lots of different jobs.
(I guess teaching 13 different subjects counts)

I've always wanted to live, or at least visit lots of different countries.

(Maybe when the kids are grown..)

But one thing I know,

God is revealing to me His incredible plan for my life.

And it's one that I enjoy living out everyday!

My journey may not be interesting to others

It's surely not book or movie worthy.

But at worst, it's a great life,

And at best I am learning that even a small light makes a difference.

So what does Crazy Love Ministries have to do with that?

Well, I'm working on figuring it all out.

But it means that I want my everyday decisions and actions to mean more.

I want to be able to help others in tangible ways.

I want to show that serving others means more than just going to church.

I want to look for ways to help others.

I want to be an active participant in things that matter. 

I have lots of dreams for my life.

I have lots of plans to help others.

It's all depends on my perspective. 

Something new mulling around in my brain

So, I've got something interesting mulling around in my brain. I'll give you a hint...

• It's not about buying a house. (I've decided I'm gonna have to leave that one for God to work out.)
• It's not about children.
• It's not a craft.
• It's not about my job or Doug's job.

Are you intrigued yet???

I'll let you know when I get it all worked out.  'Cause I'm thinking it's going to be a little crazy :)

Memorial Box Monday: The Misfit

Life is about interpretation and our interpretation of life depends on personality and experience. Real or not, my interpretation of life has led me to feel like the misfit of my family. It’s hard to express in words, but for whatever reason, God has placed it on my heart to share my story.

To begin, I have a wonderful family. I thank God that I don’t have horror stories of childhood and that I have not experienced the ugly side of humanity. Nonetheless, years ago, Satan found a stronghold in my life. That was the feeling that I didn’t fit in. And to be honest, it was easy to allow those negative thoughts to continue and fester.

Simple differences compounded make me feel out of place. Not unwanted, but not included. For example:

• My beautiful and talented three sisters are model thin. If you add up all of their clothing sizes together you MIGHT get mine.. maybe.

• Everyone in my family attends the same kind of church... but me. My husband and children attend a totally different style of church. I love both, but feel more at home where Doug and I attend.

• Politically I am at the other end of the spectrum from all of my family. My life experiences have led me to different conclusions and a different place politically than my parents and sisters.

As you can imagine, I feel different and out of place. A misfit.

So how is this a Memorial Box Monday? How is this an example of God’s divine goodness? Well, last week was hard. For no other reason being that I’m tired, it’s the end of the school year and I have three kids. In the midst of the craziness, I have missed out on a couple of things the rest of my family has been able to do. So once again, I’ve felt left out.

But guess what. A couple of days ago my sister wrote a story about me. Not about how different I am, but how I work with differently-abled students. How fun is that!

Then this morning, while reading the Bible I was reminded that God didn’t make me out of leftovers. I am the person that God created me to be.

Yes, I maybe the misfit in the family. But that’s okay. Everyone of us has been called to serve God with our whole beings, our whole selves. My story is not the story of my sisters. And their stories are not mine. Because of our differences, our collective voice is much stronger. Because of our differences, we able to show the grace of God to more people.

Spiritual Warfare

Spiritual Warfare


I am not a person that gives Satan much credit for things in life. I think that we like to use the powers of evil as an excuse for our bad decisions and a reason to not to take ownership of our mistakes. But sometimes, you just can’t miss the evil that lies beneath daily situations.

Take this morning for instance.

I recently have made a renewed effort to get up much earlier than normal and spend some time reading my bible and praying. I can honestly say doing this really grounds me and that my crazy schedule doesn’t overwhelm me on days when I get quiet moments with God. The first few days were pretty easy. I was able to get up and get moving and the house was quiet and peaceful.

Well, now it seems that the kids are getting up earlier and earlier. I used to have to drag the kids out of bed, but not anymore. It such a little thing, but it’s not!

So this morning I woke up a couple of minutes before my alarm was set to go off. As I was getting out of bed, Kylie woke up. I fed her and lost 30 minutes. I rushed through a shower and as I was pouring a cup of coffee, Lexi walked into the kitchen. It was almost a full hour before I usually get her up! I sent her to get in bed with Daddy. Not five minutes later I heard Maddie’s alarm. Fifteen minutes before her normal time to get up. In she walks, already talking to me. So I explained that this was my time to read and pray. She said okay, went and made a bowl of cereal, came and sat down at the table and started eating. She didn’t say a word, but I heard EVERY crunch of her Cocoa Pebbles! The CRUNCH and the smunch, smunch of each bite about pushed me over the edge! I’ve never noticed how loud eating cereal was until this morning. I so wanted to just close up my stuff and go finish getting ready. But more than that, I didn’t want to start my day that way.

Today was one of those mornings where I had to purposefully focus on God. I really need to find a place where I can sit and be quiet. I desperately want to hear the voice of God, but the munching of Cocoa Pebbles, the rolling of Kylie’s walker and the mama, mama of Lexi provide lots of opportunities for Satan to come in a steal my joy. This morning wasn’t about the needs of my children, Satan was using them to redirect my thoughts from God. I could feel it. It was tangible.

I did finish reading and amazingly, with all of the distractions, God gave me some incredible insights this morning!

I can’t wait to blog about that!

Same Kind of Different As Me

I just finished the most INCREDIBLE book! It's Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore.  It was amazing.  Life changing. Unbelievable. Moving. Inspirational. and more.

One might ask why I was so moved.  I don't know, I just was.  Maybe it's because I know the exact area they are talking about in the book.  Growing up in and around Fort Worth, Texas, I can see exactly where they are living.  It makes it almost personal.

I think another thing that got me about the book is the willingness or better put, obedience of this couple to go and serve the homeless.  That in doing so, their lives were changed.  Not the homeless people. The "good" people.  Yes, the homeless people where helped and some of their lives where changed, but the ones that went to serve were also impacted. They became true servants of God, the hands of God and by being willing to do that, they saw the face of God.

Can you imagine?  I have to stop and ask myself.  Do I really want to see the face of God?  Do I really want to know Him?  Because if I do, I know what to do. Serve others.  Be the hands of God to the "least of these."

So why don't I make time to serve others? Why am I not willing to serve in difficult situations? I don't know.  Well, I do know.  I'm selfish.

That's not an  easy reality to face and I can rationalize with the best of them.  I'm not saying that I don't serve at all, I just serve in the easy areas.  As long as I don't have to leave my comfort zone I don't mind serving and sacrificing.  Just don't ask me to feed the homeless. or go on a mission trip where I might not have indoor plumbing. or....

Facing this, I am ready to do something about it.  No, I'm not ready to go serve at the Union Gospel Mission.  not yet.  But I am ready to shake up my easy existence a bit.  I'm going to start small, so please don't get your hopes up.  But I am going to start.

'Cause I want to see the face of God more than I want an extra 30 minutes of sleep.  And if I push myself and truly examine my heart, I want to serve God more than I want to wear a size 8. So while I want to start working out in the mornings, I'm gonna start working out my Bible first.

So that's my book review.  Yeah, it was a good book.

The tremors have begun...

I'll try to post some thoughts later when I'm not holding a 4 month old who needs her momma.. but let me tell you, the tremors that have to start before the mountain can move have begun!

Watching for the Mountain to Move

Let me start this by saying that I don't have any earth shattering news.

But do you ever get the feeling that something big is gonna happen? Well, I don't have any real reason for my "gut feeling," I just have it. I have this "feeling" that 2010 is going to be an adventure for my family! I say that with a little fear and trembling, but with a lot of anticipation as well. You might be saying why? or even "better you than me!" but I am excited to see what God has planned for my family this year.

To begin, Doug and I have really felt that over the last few years we have been in a time of preparation. Nope, we don't know what we are preparing for, but that we are preparing for a God-sized thing. Additionally, with the diagnosis of Maddie's kidney disease last February, we have been able to manage her health better and she is staying in "remission" for longer periods. This takes a great deal of stress off our daily lives. And then with the addition of Kylie to our family, I feel like we are done adding babies to our household.

2009 seemed to be a year of groundwork. If I had to use a word to describe how the year felt to me, it would be that God was laying a foundation in the lives of my family, both immediate and beyond. So now that the foundation has been poured, I am ready to find out what comes next. Yet anytime it seems that we are on a path for the right adventure, things just don't seem to work out. So now, I am waiting for God to move the mountain. So many seemingly impossible things came to pass in 2009, that I firmly believe that the mountains of 2010 will move and the veil of our adventure will be lifted.

To prepare myself to recognize God's work in my life this year, I have felt a very real need to study the names of God. Every so often I start down this path, but like my diet, I quickly get sidetracked by life. So this year (or at least in the coming weeks) I am going to be intentional about studying the names of God. It's another of those why things.. but more importantly why not?

So there's my rambling. I hope that you will enjoy your journey through 2010. I plan to not only enjoy the journey, but to also be more intentional in my giving, serving, and loving others as I watch God move mountains!

A Joyous Christmas Eve

 From the McLemore family we wish you all a Joyous Christmas eve and a wonderful Christmas.

May your holiday be filled with the laughter of children as snowflakes fall on their faces..

May your home be filled with the sweet aroma of
God’s love and provision…

May the joy of the Christ-child live in your hearts and that you look to serve others just as Jesus served us all.

 Merry Christmas!