Learning to be Brave

I've never considered myself to be a scaredy-cat. 

Sure, I don't like scary movies, cause with my active imagination it doesn't take much to put myself in the movie in my head and then there is no sleep for me!

But I've never been afraid of a challenge, be it physical or mental.

But something about my body image makes me a self-conscious and ready to hide.  And for the majority of my life, I have felt this way. Even as a high school student and a physically fit and active college theatre major! I've had highs, were I felt good and was willing to wear something more revealing, but for the majority of my life, I have felt the need to cover and hide.

I am learning to overcome that. I am learning to be brave. to risk ridicule and scorn.

I am learning that my daughters need me to show that I am confident in who I am. That I am brave and willing to try new things. That I am happy in the skin God gave me.

So I did something CRAZY this week.

I wore a two piece swimsuit to the community pool. 

It was hard. I struggled mentally the entire time. But my little girls were so fun. When I walked out with the two piece on, Lexi said "oh mama, you look great!" and Kylie was so excited and jabbered on about my swimsuit.  So I did it.

Here we are at the pool. It was just a Kylie and me day.

So... ta da.

Here I am.

In a two piece no less.

I have to say, when I look at this picture, I feel proud. 

I can see every workout and every struggle in those arms and in the smaller waistline. 

It's not easy.

And in case you or I forgot... 

 Wow.

And I'm not finished. I am a work in progress.

I'm not hiding anymore, and it has nothing to do with being "modest"

When I look in the mirror all I see is the fat, the extra pounds that I need to shed. I see the yo-yo diets. I see the donuts and candy bars consumed. I see the failures.

But when I look at this picture of myself, I see strength.I see hard work. I see commitment. I see the willingness to struggle time and time again. I see success. 

I see the person I want to be. Maybe that's all it takes, turning yourself upside down to see the real you.

I still can't believe I took a picture of myself in sports bra and posted it on the Internet for all to see!!! That is so not who I am. Or maybe I should say, who I was.

But I am committed to showing my daughters that they can be strong women and that their bodies are not to be shamed.

No, I don't want them running around immodestly, but I absolutely refuse to teach my girls that they have to be hidden. When we teach our daughters that they have to hide their bodies, they also learn that they have to hide their personalities, their feelings and their dreams. 

When we teach our daughter's that they have to hide their bodies, we teach them that their bodies are not worth fighting for. We teach them that their pain must be silent. We teach them that their struggles must be hidden.

Hidden means not discussed, not considered, not acknowledged.

And I am determined to break that cycle.

So I am modeling for my daughter's strength. I am teaching them to have honest discussions about their bodies, good and bad. I am showing my daughter's how to make healthy choices, and telling them why it matters. 

I am modeling for them determination, courage and sacrifice.

Because more than anything, I don't want my daughters to feel like they have to live hidden lives. Be it scars or triumphs, I want them to truly live.

Does that mean more pictures of me in my sports bra? Probably not. But maybe.. cause I'm not hiding anymore.

A Strong Woman

Today is International Women's Day. I have no clue what that means, where it came from or anything like that, but I've seen a lot of posts today about being a strong woman.  Here are a couple of really cool pictures I've borrowed from facebook :)

 



The above one was from oursoleintent.com
The bottom one is from My Lil Running Obsession (facebook).

I soo love the sentiment. It may become my mantra. In fact, all you women out there reading this, repeat it out loud with me... "Strong Women. May we know them. May we raise them. May we be them."

I grew up with a strong grandmother. She taught my mom and aunts to be strong. My mom in turned taught me to be strong. Now, I'm teaching my daughters to be strong.

This is a really good reminder to me and perfect timing, because this has been a crappy week. You know how some weeks just are. And this one was. I am reminded that maybe just importantly as teaching my girls to be strong, I'm teaching my students what a strong woman looks like.

Yesterday for example, one of my students commented on that I must be having a good day as I seemed really upbeat and happy. My response was that nope, it was a completely crappy day, but that I was choosing to be happy. A couple of the girls in particular really took note of my response. I'm not going to lie and say everything is great when it's not, but I'm not teaching them anything if I sit in the crap and teach my students to act that way.

And so, I am going to choose to be strong. I'm going to run the demons out in the morning. Surely 12 miles will do that! And then I'm going to have an awesome spring break and let the junk of the week fade.